My Crazy World
by desshaje
Summary: Emily is left to raise three kids after her parents deaths. What will happen when her past merges with her present?
1. Chapter 1

I lay in bed looking up at the ceil knowing that its time to wake up. Its 5:30 a.m. and my class starts at 9. I sit up rubbing the sleep from my eyes and walk into my on suite bathroom. turning on the shower the hot water begin to steam up the room. I step under the water and just let the hot water wash over my body. I close my eyes and allow my mind to wonder like it does every morning.

_My name is Emily Fields. I'm 20 years old. I live in Rosewood, Pennsylvanian and have my entire life pretty much. At least this was home base for my family. My dad was a U.S Solider and my mom was a domestic most of the time. When my dad had to leave, she worked as a secretary. When I was 15, my mom found out she was pregnant. I was an only child until then. I was happy to have a new sibling but it was going to be a huge adjustment for me._

_On April 10__th__, six days after my 16__th__ birthday, my mom gave birth to twins, Dominic Jonathan Fields and Jessica Alexis Fields. When they were a little over year old my mom found out once again she was with child. Not long after she found out, we got the devastation news that my father was Killed In Action. I cried for weeks. I couldn't believed it happen but I had to be strong for my mom and siblings. _

_May 12__th__ she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was a great 18__th__ birthday gift because she looked so much like my father. She named her Sydney Denise Fields. When Syd was only two months old, my mom died in a major car accident. Here I am only 18, no friends and three kids to take care of. They said they could put them into the system and put them up for adoption but they were the only family I had so I had to take care of them. I put off going to college to raise them. Both of my parents had life insurance policies so we were taking care of money wise. The house was mine._

I open my eyes and finish up my shower. I dress before walking down the hall to the twins room.

"Mama." Jessie said rubbing her eyes.

"Ready to get up?" she nodded her head and climbed down from her bed. I looked over at Dom but he was still sound asleep. I grab her tiny hand and walk down to Syd's room. she was standing up in her crib looking at me. "Hi baby." I said happily picking up. "Let's go to the bathroom you two." Syd was in the process of being potty trained and she was getting better and better. I still put a pull up on her at night just in case.

"Can we have pancakes?" Jessie asked and I smiled.

"Anything for you." I kissed her forehead helping them both wash their hands before heading downstairs. I made pancakes and eggs before running upstairs to get Dom up. "Little man, it's time to get up. breakfast is downstairs." he rubbed his eyes and lifted his arms signaling he wanted to be carried. I take him to the bathroom before taking him down the table to eat his food.

"After we eat, we take are getting dressed for school alright. no horse playing this morning."

"Mama, I don't wanna go to school." Dom said with a mouth full of eggs.

"You have to baby boy. I have to go to school too." he furrowed his eyebrows and I kissed them. "This weekend we can go to the park okay?"

"Okay." he said smiling. He loved going to the park. I honestly didn't have time to take them to the park but if it would make him happy, then its worth it right?

For the last two years, I haven't done anything fun. Spencer, Aria and Hanna all moved away before my dad passed away. They don't even know my parents are gone. They don't know that I have siblings. As for Maya, My girlfriend, her parents moved back to California around the same time the girls left. that was about six years ago. I missed them so much but I cannot think about that. I have three kids now. My three kids. I tried to get them to not call me mama but they just didn't understand that so I allowed them to. I will tell them when they get older the truth but they deserve a mother just like I had one.

"All done." Syd said smiling. She was a happy child. they all were.

"You're covered in syrup baby. You all are." I grab some baby wipes from under the sink and clean their faces and hands. "time to get dress."

"we dress ourselves." Dom said grabbing Jessie hand and walking up the stairs. they are in their phrase of dressing by their selves and they actually pick out matching clothes so I don't mind it.

"Okay when you're done come to my room so I can do your hair." I dress Syd in a shirt and jeans. I pull her hair into a pony tail and sat her on the bed letting her watch TV. Jessie walks in a purple dress and sandals. I pull her hair into a pony tail as well then brushed Dom's hair. "Jessie let's go put leggings on under this okay? it's a pretty dress baby."

"Thank you mama." she skips down the hall to her room and grabs a pair of pink leggings. she sit on the floor taking her sandals off and stands putting on the leggings. "I'm a princess."

"Yes you are. A beautiful princess." I tie shoes and make sure they are ready before looking at the clock. its 7 after everyone is ready and that gives me enough time to drop the twins off at preschool and then Ali at daycare.

I drop the twins off at Pre-School and drive to the daycare down the street from the college. I walk inside to make sure Sydney is set in class. "I love you." I tell her kissing her forehead. "love you too mommy." she turn looking towards the toys and runs off to play. I stand up and head back to the car.

it was hard finding balance between having three kids and going to school. it took me an entire year before I could get into college. I quit everything I loved for them and I wouldn't change anything. I walk into class and take a seat off to the side near the back. I didn't have any friends in class and I didn't want any friends. all my friends left me awhile ago and I didn't feel like replacing them. my love life died long ago when Maya left as well.

"Good morning Everyone! Today we are going to have a pop quiz on what we learn last week." the professor started and I felt like my head was going to explode. when the class was over the professor called my name. "Ms. Fields, Can I speak to you for a minute?"

"Professor Myles how can I help you?"

"I want to talk you about your work in class." I look at him with an nervous glance. "No don't be worried. you are an excellent student. But I'm concern about you absence lately. you missed all last week but manage to do well on this test by first glance. you class work is unbelievable."

"Then what's the problem sir?"

"If you continue missing class I will have to report you."

"my kids had the flu and I'm a single mom."

"oh I didn't know that."

"yes sir. I don't make them my excuse but that is the reason sir. I made sure I studied and stayed on what I was missing online."

"I understand. but couldn't their father help out?"

"he died sir. it's just me." I nodded and looked down.

"Thank you Ms. Fields. That will be all." I nodded my head and place my bag on my shoulder exiting the building. I head to admissions to drop off my next payment. I'm standing in line when I hear a familiar voice coming from not to far ahead of me. That sweet, raspy voice that I haven't heard in maybe six years. I closed my eyes picturing the beauty who voice went together perfectly. when I open my eyes I liked to fall out. It was her. Why is she here?

I turn to face the wall as she started to make her way in my direction. she was talking to the admissions lady and as they walked by I heard her say, "I cannot wait to start school here. I miss being in Philly." with that she was gone. my heart started to beat as if it was going to rip out of my chest. I wish the line would hurry and move. I drop off my payment and go pick up my babies then head home for the day.

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its been two weeks since I seen her. I haven't see her on campus but then again I haven't been trying to either. I walk into Professor Myles class and immediately I feel something in off in the room. I see someone speaking to professor. she is about 5'4 with long black hair. she has a olive skin tone and my heart starts to race. it cannot be her. please say it isn't so.

I take my seat and flip to the next empty page in my notebook. Something tells me to look up and when I do our eyes meet. Her brown ones bore into my brown ones. The eyes I fell in love with. The ones I loved looking at. her lips part and I felt all the air leave my lungs. she started to move towards me and the professor started to speak. she sat down in the seat she stop at and paid attention to Mr. Myles.

when he concluded class I was out of there before he could even finish the sentence. I wanted to get as far away from her as possible. Why the hell was she in my class if she just started here?

"Em! Emily!" I heard the voice calling my name. I slam my hand against the door of my car and open the door throwing my bag in. "Emily is that really you?"

I let out a deep breath before turning around and facing her. "Maya."

"Oh my god baby it is really you." she smiled so brightly and her eyes weld with tears. "What happen to you? You just disappeared. You erased your facebook. You changed your number. I tried to contact you I tried but I couldn't reach you."

"Maya I—"

"Em."

"I have to go." I rushed out getting in my car and pulling away as fast as possible. I couldn't be that close to her. I couldn't breathe. I felt like all the oxygen was sucked out of the air. I pull into the daycare parking lot and just sat there trying to catch my breath. tears roll down my face. I try to compose myself before I walk inside to get Sydney.

"Mama!" she yelled running into my arms. "go get your bag from your chubby." I stand up and walk towards her teacher.

"Emily."

"Hi Diana. How was she?"

"She was good as always. she painted some pictures but she wouldn't go down for her nap."

"yeah I notice that on the weekend. she just wouldn't go to sleep."

"I'm sure she will get out of it. just give her some time."

"I will see you in two days." I tell her picking up Syd kissing her cheek as we walk out the door. "Are you ready for a nap?" she smiled doing an evil laugh and shook her head. "No." I belting her in and tickle her tummy. "Yes huh!"

"Mommy stop!" she laughed and I immediately forgot about what just happen. her sweet innocent laugh filled my heart. "Ready to go get sissy and bubba?" she nodded her head. "Give me kiss." she kisses me and I close the door driving to the pre-school getting my other babies.

"Tell me all about school babies." I tell the twins and they start talking over the other telling about the different things they did and how much fun they had. "You guys sound like you had a lot of fun today. Did we take naps?"

"Yes we both did." Jess spoke up. "Can we watch TV when we get home?"

"Do you have worksheets to do?"

"No promise mommy." Dominic said and I smiled. He is so adorable. I looked in my rear view mirror and stared at my little triples. they all looked just liked me when I was their age. I could see little pieces of both of my parents in them. Dominic reminded me a lot of my dad, very sweet and attentive while Jess was my mom, bossy and protective. Sydney was just a bowl of sugar. Pure sweetness.

I pull into the drive way and I get Sydney out the car. they ran to the front door ready to go inside. I let them in and I grab Sydney up in my arms making her laugh out loud. "It's nap time for you missy." I kiss her cheek and sit down on the couch with her.

"Lay down with mommy. I'm tired." I laid down and she cuddled close to me. I watched TV for the better part of thirty minutes before I look down and see Sydney is sound asleep. I pick her up placing her in her pin to carry out her nap. I go check on the twins who have fallen asleep watching Arthur on the floor. I hear the door bell ring and I run to the door. I swing the door open without looking and freeze in my spot.

"Maya—"

**A/N: This is the revamp version of MY CRAZY WORLD! I hope this version is better and that you enjoy what I have done with it. Please let me know what you think. **

**With so much love, **

**Desshaje**


	2. Chapter 2

"_Maya—" _

"Maya what are you doing here?"

"I was hoping you still lived here." she said with a small smile on her face. "My heart told me come here, to come back home." I wanted to smile but I couldn't.

"That's great to hear but I mean what are you doing here? At my house?" her eyes showed she was hurt by my response but she pushed through it.

"I had to come back. May I come in?" I look over my shoulder wonder whether I should or not. I sigh and step back to let her in. "Thank you." she walked pass me and into the living room. she still knew her way around my house. We used to hang out her a lot growing up. We have known each other since pre- school. she is well was one of my best friends. she was my best friend turn lover. my first and only love.

"How have you been?" she asked as I walked in. I looked around and was thankful the kids didn't mess anything up when we came home.

"I've been okay." I shake my head sitting down and lift my head to look at her. "How—?"

"how what?"

"how did you find me?"

"I just followed my heart. you are my heart and no matter where you go I will find you." her eyes bored into mine as if she was looking at my soul. I felt a chill run down my spine and butterflies erupt. The power she had over me.

"how have you been?" she shook her head.

"missing you like crazy. I was so mad at my parents for making me move back. My grandma was sick so I understood why we had to go back but I begged them to let me stay. I didn't want to leave you behind." her eyes looked so sad and I wanted to reach out and touch her. "high school wasn't the same without you being there."

"high school was—high school."

"how is swimming?"

"I don't swim anymore. I quit a long time ago." shock wiped across her face and I shook my head. "Life happens but I don't regret my decision." she nodded. We talked for almost an hour when I see a little figure come walking around the corner. Dominic ignores Maya sitting on the couch and crawls into my lap laying his head against my chest. "Hey sleepy head." I run my fingers through his hair and he looks up at me. "Do you want a snack?" he shook his head no and lays back against me.

Maya stares her eyes questioning the interaction. "Jess still sleeping?" he nods and I rub his back. we sit in silence. I don't know what to tell her or how to tell her. Do I just blurt it out? a lifetime seems to go by before I hear a voice. "Mama." I look down and Dominic eyes are open but its not his voice. I see Jessica standing at the other end of the couch staring at me. my voice cracks.

"What is it baby?"

"can I have juice?"

"yeah baby. your cup is on the bottom shelf. you may go get it." I lift Dom up and stand him on the floor. "Go get your juice as well. I'm going to come in a few minutes and make you both a bowl of fruit salad okay?" he walks away without speaking. he is normally quiet when he first wakes up.

"so um you're a mom?" I open and closed my mouth then nodded. "yeah I'm a mom." I looked away from the floor and looked her in the eyes.

"how old are they?"

"4." I nodded my head. "Dominic and Jessica. Twins."

"Mama Sydney awake." Jess told me before sitting next to Dom on the floor. I stand up walking into the little room off the living room picking Syd up. "Go get her cup for me please Jess." I sit down and Maya stares again. "This is Sydney. She's two." Jess hands Syd the cup and I stand up. "Come with me." I put Syd in the chair before taking out three bowls for some fruit salad and yogurt for a snack. "Do you want some?"

"Yes please." I make her a bowl before setting everything up in the den for the kids. "Babies eat in here while mama talks with her friend in the living room. Come get me if you need me."

we start eating the fruit in salad and the she sit it down and faces me. she takes mine from my hands and lifts my chin. "Who's the father? Where is he? Why are you here alone?"

"He is dead. Died before Syd was born."

"How?" I shake my head. "It doesn't matter how he died. He isn't here."

"Where are your parents?" I stand to walk away but she grabs my hand pulling me back. Our eyes meet and mine start to water. "Em—"

"They're dead." Maya eyes began to form tears and she shook her head. "No. What happen?"

"KIA and car acciedent."

"When?"

"My dad almost two years now. My mom a year and a half." she stared at me with a open mouth. Speechless. "I coped with it. Its hard but they make me strive forward. I work hard for them. Anything to make them happy." I take a bite of fruit and close my eyes are the pineapples juice spreads across my taste buds.

"do the girls know?" I look confused. "Spencer, Aria, Hanna?"

"oh no I haven't spoken to them as long as I haven't talked to you. I used to wonder how everyone was and wished you guys were here."

"Emi—"

"No! you all left me. I was alone. I hated losing my four best friends and I hated losing you. When I lost my dad I didn't get to cry. My mother cried for us. When my mother died, I had three kids cry for her. I had to change everything about my life. who I hung with, who I talked to, everything Maya." I took a shaky breath and wiped the tear off my cheek. "I have lost EVERYTHING that I love except those three. EVERYONE left me. And it hurts so much but all that hurt as given me strength. Strength that I didn't know I had."

she sits there with tears rolling down her face. her eyes looked so hurt and full of pain. I wiped my eyes and shook my head. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

"don't be. there was nothing you could have done. you had no choice but to leave."

"no I'm sorry for not calling. for not writing. for not—keeping you in touch. But you—YOU were always right here." she touched over her heart. "I had to come back for you."

"why now?"

"I just got back. No one knows I'm here. I realized I was missing something and I had to follow my heart. it brought me here."

"no one knows you're back in Rosewood?"

"In this country." my brows furrow and she continues. "I got accepted into this conservatory in England for the musically talented. I decided I didn't want a career in music anymore."

"Maya! Music was your life."

"well I lost my passion for it. I want to study medicine. I want to be a doctor. Make a difference in someone life." I open my mouth and Sydney runs in smiling. She grabs my fork and sticks a pineapple in her mouth then starts laughing.

"You want more?"

"Yeah." she laughs. I open my arms and she launches into them. I butterfly kisses to her cheeks and I sit her on my lap.

"I want you to meet Maya. Maya this is Sydney." she hid her face in my chest and I rubbed her back. "she acts shy but she is a ball of energy."

"Hi Sydney. That's a really pretty name." she looked at Maya giggling. "You're really pretty."

"thank you." she wiggled out of my arms and put another piece of fruit in her mouth. she dances as she chews making us both smiled.

"who knew you would have kids so young."

"yeah who knew. but did you keep in touch with any of the girls?"

"Spencer of course. we ended up going to the same school."

"Really?"

"Yeah after my grandma passed away, we moved and I went to some prep school for the music program. I was placed in this AP class and the teacher was telling me how I was too far behind and I need to be switched out. I looked down at the worksheet in front of me and I heard a "Ms. Hastings late again. Are we making this a habit now?" I didn't think to look up at the name even though it sounded familiar. "Sorry I wont let it happen again." I looked up and we stared at each other. After that day we hung out as much as possible."

"glad you had her."

"Emily don't be like that."

"I'm not being like anything. I'm really happy you had her."

"well, we were always busy. Between practice, college prep, and parent crap, we manage to still hang out. She goes to Princeton now."

"Of course she does." I laughed and before shaking my head. "smartass like always."

"well before I came along." she spoke up again. "we were tied for Valedictorian."

"How?"

"I worked my ass off. we couldn't believed it happen. We both were involved in school clubs, both had full rides to school, high SAT scores, but she beat me. Little heffer wrote this mind blowing essay and took the spot. That's how they decided the winner."

"I'm so proud of both of you and I could smack you right now."

"Why?"

"Full ride and you come here! Are you crazy? Wait don't answer that because the only logically answer is yes."

We talked and played with the kids for a few hours until it was time for me to start dinner. I asked her to stay and have dinner with us before she had to leave. It felt naturally to have her here but I cannot do this again. I cannot let her in.

what the hell am I thinking?

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed.**


	3. Chapter 3

Everyday Maya and I talk before and after class. I told her that before I allow her around my kids again our friendship needs to be restored. I don't want random people around my kids. Yes I know Maya is not some random person to me but she is to them. I don't want her in their lives if she is just going to leave again.

"So I spoke to Spencer…" Maya said one day after class. "She is coming to visit me and she wants to see you." my heart started to race.

"did you tell her about the kids?"

"no. I didn't feel it was my place to tell her that information. I just told her we have class together. She really misses you." her eyes fell soft. "Don't you miss her?"

"its not a question whether or not I miss her, I don't know if I'm ready to see her. So much has happen since you guys left my life. I'm not the same Emily she knew."

"And she isn't the same Spencer." she counter back. I shook my head.

"I don't know. I will see. I have to go." I start to walk away and Maya grabs my wrist. "Please think about it Em. She really wants to see you." she let go of me and I nodded walking off to my car.

it has been about two week since Maya and I last spoke. I see her in class, we say hi and bye, then we go about our day.

its been over a month since I have had an actual conversation with Maya. I'm sitting on the couch reading my textbook. studying for this test that I have tomorrow. The kids are all taking a nap and I have maybe an hour left before all my silence evaporates. My phone vibrates on the coffee table, I lean the textbook forward to see what color notification lights up. It flashes blue and I ignore my phone for the time beginning.

I finish my page and pick up my phone. _**'Call me please. –Maya'**_

I sigh and call her which she immediately answers. _"Hey."_

"_Hey. Are you okay?" _I asked.

"_Yes I'm fine I just haven't spoken to you and I really wanted to hear you voice." _she is lying.

"_Maya, talk to me." _

"_Are you avoiding me?" _Yes._ "No. why would you ask that?"_

"_I know you or at least I thought I did and you haven't spoken to me in over a month."_

"_look Maya, You just enter my life again. I have been alone for years and I have three kids to think about here. I have a family to take care of, A career to focus on and I don't have time for relationships. I have to get used to you being here again." _

"_Em—"_

"_No you and Spencer are trying to be here. I don't know if I want you here."_

"_I'm not going anywhere again. Don't push me away. I'm here for you. I'm your friend until you say otherwise. No pressure. I—We want to make up for lost time. For not being there when you needed us the most. Not being there when you became a mother. When you lost your parents."_

"_i—"_

"_Spencer is flying back tomorrow morning and she really wants to see you before you go. Please?" _I shake my head, rubbing my forehead. I really miss Spencer. I really want to see her. Fine.

"_Fine. Come over." _I sighed._ "What does she already know?"_

"_That your parents are dead and you're in nursing school."_

"_she don't know about the kids?"_

"_no I didn't mention it. I changed the subject." _I nodded even though she couldn't see it.

"_Okay. You can come over now. Knock on the door do not ring the door bell or I will have a screaming two year old who is cranky."_

"_thank you."_

"_bye."_ I hung up the phone and realized what I was wear. "Shit." I run up the stairs and immediately change out of my sweats into some leggings and a tank top. Jeans wouldn't be practical. I've been home all day. I check my messy bun and like the way it looks. I peep in on the kids and head back downstairs. I grab of bowl of fruit out of the fridge sitting back down to start studying again until they arrive.

The knock at the door made my heart jump to my throat and started to race. I walk slowly to the door taking deep breaths. I open the door and there stands Maya and Spencer. Spencer. Her hair was a dark raven color. she still sported the preppy look. Her lips were slight red and her eyes intense. My eyes watered seeing my best friend. Maya step to the side and Spencer wrapped her arms around me. Engulfing me in a tight hug that made my heart settle back in its original place. This hug made it feel like time stopped and we were those kids again. I've missed my best friend.

"Hi." we both whispered wiping the tears from our eyes. Maya steps in and I shut the door behind her. We sat down on the couch while I moved my books to the coffee table. we just stare at each other smiling.

"So—" I started to break up the silence. "Tell me how have you been? Tell me about College, High school with crazy over there."

"Hey! I'm not crazy." Maya laughed and we joined.

"Keep telling yourself that Maya." Spencer laughed. "High school was a dread. Maya made some of it not so bad. College is good. I'm having a great time and I'm happy."

"Really?"

"Yes I love the career I'm going into. I'm happy to be back on the East Coast. I feel like I'm home." she smiled then her faced changed. Here it comes. "How are you? Tell me everything."

"High school sucked. I hated every minute of it. The only thing I loved was swimming."

"didn't you get a scholarship?"

"Yeah I got a full ride actually. But when my dad died I just didn't want to leave my mom. Then she died and I didn't have any support. I had responsibilities here I couldn't leave."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for that."

"Its okay. I deleted everything after that. you wouldn't have known something was wrong."

"still I should of called you or something."

"Spencer don't beat yourself up. Life happens. Can't sit around and mope in it." She looked at me with this look I have never seen on Spencer face. I don't know what you would call the look either.

"You're not the same Emily I knew. The Emily I knew would have never said that. You used to be the breath of fresh air in the group. The one that made all of us smile. You're all grown up now." I shrugged my shoulders. "life happened Spence." we talked some more about Cali and what all she did there. She told me that she missed me and she begged her parents to move back here but they wanted a fresh start and told her it was never going to happen. "Our family is here now Spencer so you are too. That's the end of it. I don't want to hear it again, understood?" She quoted what both her parents have said to her numerous times. I was about to speak when I hear something on the baby monitor and I got up. "I'll be right back."

I walked upstairs and went into Sydney's room and smiled at her. I cut the monitor off then picked her up. "Hey baby girl. Did you have a good nap?"

"yeah."

"Mama wants you to meet someone downstairs." she hide her face in my neck being her shy little self. "Maya is here." She lifted her face and smiled at me. I peeped in on the twins who were still asleep and would come downstairs once they woke. "ready to meet my other friend?" she laid her head back on my shoulder ignoring my question. I carefully walked down the stairs and was glad when Spencer was facing Maya talking. I walked more into the living room and it caught both of their attentions. Maya waved at Sydney as I sat on the couch.

"Spencer this is Sydney. Sydney this is my friend Spencer."

"Hi Sydney. That's a very pretty name." Syd smiled but put her face in my chest laughing.

"Why are you being so silly willy?" I tickled her and she just started laughing. There is nothing better than listening to the sound of a baby or toddler laughing. it makes your heart smile. "Mama stop!" she screamed laughing. I picked her up and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I wuv you chu." she climbed out my lap and took my phone off the coffee table. "Doc stuffin'?" she asked handing me my phone.

"Go get the ipad out the den. It's on there." she ran out of the living room to the den. I turned to Spencer and she has a shocked happy look on her face.

"You have a daughter. You're a mother." she said shocked. "How old is she?"

"Two." she ran back to me and I put on her cartoon and she laid on her tummy on the floor. "That's my baby girl."

"I don't know what to say. I'm so shocked." Before I could speak, the sound of little feet coming down the stairs could be heard. We all turned our heads to see Jessie and Dom coming downstairs. "Maya!" they yelled running to her giving her a hug. "Babies come here, I want to introduce you to my friend." they walked over and I gave them both a kiss and asked how their naps were before introducing Spencer to them. "Mama can we have juice?" Dominic asked for the both of them. "Yes you may. come on."

"Em I got it." Maya said standing up.

"Maya I can do it."

"Sit and talk to Spencer. I can make them a snack and get them juice." Maya said while walking the twins and Syd to the kitchen.

"You have three kids?" I nodded smiling looking over my shoulder. "Yeah I do."

"If you don't mind me asking, where is their dad?" I looked down and sighed. "he is dead."

"Oh my God Emily. I'm sorry." she moved closer to me and rested her hand on my shoulder. "How? When?"

"Before Sydney was born in Iraq."

"You lost everything." she said as if it wasn't already obvious. "I've lost everything and everyone I cared about except those three. They are a constant." Spencer started to tear up which was unusual for the Spencer I once knew.

"I'm sorry I was such a terrible friend once I left. But I'm here now and I want to be your best friend again. I want, if you will allow me too, to be a part of your life again. I miss you so much and I have clearly missed so much. Let me be here."

"Why? Why didn't you two contact me?"

"Maya tried. I watched her multiple times type you a message on facebook but would always erase it. I don't know why. I don't know why she was so scared to send it. But the day you erased your facebook, Maya went crazy. she called me going asking why? That girl in there loves you so much. She probably wouldn't want me to tell you this but when she dated back in Cali and I would meet them. She would always ask when they left, they don't compare to Emily do they? She was looking for you in people. She always talked about you. Stalked your facebook." She laughed bitterly. "That girl is the one for you."

"They are all set." Maya said walking back into the room and we stopped talking. "I see I was the topic at hand."

"No you weren't. Spence and I were just having a heart to heart."

"Have you spoken to Hanna or Aria?" I asked quite curious. they looked at each other and shook their heads.

"I thought Hanna was in New York and Aria is still in Iceland according to Facebook." Spencer said. "I would of thought Hanna at least would of stayed in touch."

"oh well." I said picking up my phone that started vibrating on the coffee table. "Excuse me."

_**hello**_

_**Hi I'm Sarah from kindercare. I was looking for a Ms. Emily Fields**_

_**Speaking**_

_**Hi I was calling to tell you that Friday our facility will be close due to fumigation. I'm sorry for this sudden change.**_

_**it's alright I will just take them to daycare instead. no problem.**_

_**okay if you have any questions please just give us a call**_

_**alright. thank you bye.**_

"Sorry about that. Pre-school is close Friday." I put the little piece of hair behind my ear and sigh. we continue talking until the kids coming running into the living room jumping on the couch. "Hey no jumping, sit on your butts."

"Mommy can we go outside and play?" Dominic asked.

"go put your shoes on and we can go out back and play." Sydney came running back with her vans for me to slip on her. "Mama can I wear the pink ones?" Jessie asked lifting her pink converse in the air. "yes you can."

"Can you put them on?" She asked while I was putting on Syd's shoes. "Uh yeah hold on."

"Jessica can I put them on for you?" Maya asked and she smiled walking over to her. "Can you help me?" Dominic asked Spencer. She looked nervously at me and I nodded my head. "Sure sweetie come here."

In that moment I seen a side of Spencer I've never seen before. she acted as if we weren't there anymore. I watched in awe of how she was acting with him.

"How old are you?"

"4."

"Is mama teaching you how to tie your shoes?"

"yeah but I can't remember."

"that's okay. I forgot too when I first learn. Your mama helped me remember one day."

"really? you knew mama when she was small?"

"Yes she was my best friend."

"how did she make you remember?"

"there was a bunny who went looking for his sister. he went around the tree and into the hole. pull them together and now they are whole." he smiled at her and she smiled back. "Now you try." he did exactly as her and tied his own shoe.

"Mommy I did it!" he exclaimed.

"Great job buddy." Spencer gave him high five.

"That's my big boy." I walked over giving his cheek raspberry kisses. He burst into a ball of laughter and I picked him up. "Mommy is proud of you. Tell Aunt Spencer thank you." Spencer looked at me calling her Aunt and she smiled.

"Thank you."

"you're welcome." I carry him to the back door as the girls all follow. I put him down and he runs to the bin with toys. "Mommy play soccer with me." Dominic said kicking the ball towards me. Spencer and Maya sit at the table and I start playing with the kids with the ball. They're laughed and falling over each other trying to kick the ball in the goal behind me. Jessie ran towards me and I picked her up in the air, blowing into her neck.

"Mommy!" she yelled laughing. "say mercy."

"Mercy mama mercy." I kiss her cheek putting her down. "I'm gonna sit down and talk you play together."

"I love watching you with them." Maya said smiling. "You're amazing."

"Thank you."

"You look so happy with them." Spencer smiled. "Your eyes light up."

"They are the light of my life. I love them so much."

we talked and it felt so good to catch up with Spencer. I truly missed her. we the time came for Spencer and Maya to go I was honestly sad to have them leave. I loved having Maya around even though I wouldn't tell her that now but I got those butterflies back. Spencer made me feel like time stopped and I was back in middle school. I agreed to stay in touch with her and we exchanged numbers. She promised to come visit again soon and I honestly cannot wait until she does. Before they walked out the door Spencer went to say bye to the kids. Maya looked at me with those beautiful eyes and I couldn't help but stare back.

"Ma—" she kissed me softly and without saying a word slipped something into my pocket and walked out the door. How can she just kiss me and leave?

"Bye Em." Spencer said giving me a hug. I waved bye in a shock. A daze. I shut the door and leaned against it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. I unfold the paper and my heart stops.

'_You will be mine again. I love you Emily.'_

**A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this update. I know it took forever for an update but I hope this makes up for it. I've decided this is not going to be a really long story. I don't know how many chapters but I don't expect no more than 15. I don't know just yet. tell me what you think. Until next time. Bye peeps.**


	4. Chapter 4

I couldn't help but reread Maya's note over and over again. That kiss still has butterflies fluttering in my stomach. She still has that effect on me. I didn't think that it left but I thought I had suppressed all those emotions but I guess what you hide eventually comes to the surface.

I put the note in my side drawer and finished my essay that I needed to have done by tomorrow. Once it's finish, I go take a quick shower then get into bed. I pick up my cell phone and stroll to Maya's name. I open the messages and hit the message box.

_Do you mean it?—Emily_

Moments later I get a reply.

_Mean what?—Maya_

_Your note…—Emily_

_Did I mean you will be mine again or the I love you part?—Maya_

_Both.—Emily_

_You know me Em. That has not changed. I say what I mean and I mean what I said. YOU will me MINE again. I love you don't even begin to express what I feel about you.—Maya_

If my heart wasn't racing it was now. My stomach was in my mouth. I smiled as I read her message over and over again.

_OK.—Emily_

I put my phone on the charger and ignore the responding text. I didn't want to see her response. I have the answer I needed. I try to go to sleep but my mind is racing. so many thoughts going through my head. Do I want this again? Should I do this? Can I do this? What about the kids? Should I tell Maya the truth? What did she say? My subconscious is getting the better of me so I pick up the phone and open her message.

_You are my everything and one day I hope to prove that to you.—Maya_

I'm done.

I didn't fall sleep at all last night. I couldn't get Maya out of my mind. I looked over our messages a few times throughout the night. I couldn't help they smile that was plastered on my face but my mind kept wondering. If it was just me I would jump back into a relationship with her without a second thought. She had my heart and still does. But its not about me anymore. Its about my kids. Dominic, Jessica and Sydney. Its all about them and their happiness.

I get up and follow my normal routine. I get ready then the kids then make breakfast. I drop them off at their schools and then went to school myself. I sit down in my seat and take out my lap top. Maya walks in and sit down next to me. The smell of her perfume makes my stomach do a flip.

"You didn't sleep last night." she said and I looked at her.

"What gave it away? the bags until my eyes." she shook her head no.

"I didn't sleep either. I guess I was on someone mind because she was on mine." I'm trying really hard not to smile at her. "Is that a smile I see growing on that beautiful face?"

"Maya hush." I say smiling turning away. "How are you this morning?"

"Better now that I'm next to you." I can hear the smile on her face. "yourself?"

"I'm good." the teacher walks in and we get straight to work. After class she pulls me off to the side. "I want to talk." I look at my phone for the time and nod my head.

"Okay lets talk."

"Meet me at the coffee shop in the circle say ten minutes."

"see you then." I drive to the coffee shop and park going into the shop. I walk in and see Maya already at a table with two coffee cups sitting on the table. "Bet me here."

"yeah I just got here but I called my friend on my way here and order two frappes."

"how did you know I like them?"

"I saw you drinking it one day." I nodded my head. "So let's talk." I said know I only had about a hour before I needed to get back to campus for my next class.

"I want to try us again."

"I want that to Maya but I can't."

"I don't mean jumping back into the anything. I want to try us again. building our friendship and then going to a relationship. I want to build a relationship with your kids. they are a part of you." I smile and nod my head. "I would love that."

"we're doing this?"

"yes we're doing this. I am willing to rebuild our friendship Maya. I miss you and yes I still love you. I will not deny that. You leaving hurt me and while you were gone my life changed dramatically."

"I know and I understand that completely."

"so if I seem distant don't get mad at me."

"I'm here to work with you. just come to me and we can talk about whatever is on your mind. We can sit in silence together or whatever you need in that moment. I am here for you Em. Always." I smiled at her and reached forward grabbing her hand giving it a squeeze.

"I have to get back to campus for class but come over tonight and have dinner with us. I'm sure the kids will love to see you."

"I would love that. be there at six?"

"six is fine." I smiled and give her cheek a small kiss. I wanted nothing more than to press my lips fully against hers like she did me but I wasn't ready to be that bold just yet. I get in the car and think about all the different possibilities. All of them left a smile on my face until I thought about telling her my secret, The truth about my kids. will she be mad at me for lying to her? if so then I am her lost. I park my car and then head into my literature class. I shake all the thought out of my head. They can wait until after class. I need to focus.

**A/N: Quick Update for you guys. Time to get their relationship rolling.**


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